I guess in 2010, they're CD/DVD's or some other sophisticated data storage acronym thingy.
My tapes(I'm old) play some pretty heady messages. In 49 years, I've processed 4 or 5 or a dozen consistent ramblings through my head. A better statement are hundreds of messages are trapped in my head. I just caught myself speaking a usually silent buzz phrase, out loud. This particular message is meant to soothe, justify, pacify, heal...make me feel better. I actually stared at myself in the mirror, chanted the words, then just stopped and stared at myself. Angrily, out LOUD, I said "STOP SAYING THAT!" I don't even really hear the message anymore anyway. Why run it thoughtlessly in my head or free it verbally...out in to the universe? It's just one of those looping mind trick thoughts that didn't get erased or replaced by anything different as my life marched on but, I continue to use it as a blanket of help.
The message I'm writing about: "It doesn't matter!"
Well now, isn't this effective? Notsamuch! It's not a thought or spoken words with any ACTION behind it to combat the offense I want it for anyway. That's all that phrase has become, words. Three measly words. Those 3 words have lost their power that may have worked when I originally started using them, when I wanted or needed them as a coping process.
So, I must replace "it doesn't matter" with something much more positive, with much more direction or lose it all together.
"It doesn't matter" has been rendered powerless, yet...I still sense the track is looping around again in the tape player of my mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment